Homosexuality

I'm constantly amazed at how my generation as well as previous ones have handled the issue of homosexuality. I'm even more amazed (and not in a good way) with how the Church has handled it.

To the LGBT community, I just want to say that you are loved and cared for. Personally, I don't think any less of you. I'm not going to tell you what to do, how to live, what to think, or anything else, because frankly, I'm not in the place to do that. Will I tell you about Jesus? Of course I will. What good would it do to not tell you about the best thing that's ever happened to me, about the One who's changed my life? Do I expect you to accept it? Nope. Do I expect you to believe in God, as I do? Nope. I do believe, however, that there can be a mutual love and respect between both parties, whether they agree or not. That means you and me.

The Church has told the LGBT community many lies (note that this doesn't include the entire Church, just some of it). "If you only pray hard enough, God will change your sexuality." "You're going to Hell." "God hates you." "You're despised, unloved, hated."

Let me come against those lies.

Truth #1: You're not going to Hell. Whoever decided to be God and make the judgment call that gays are going to Hell is in need of a serious reality check.

Truth #2: God does not hate you. In fact, He loves you. He cares for you, wants the best for you, and wants you to experience the life He has for you. It's up to you to discover what that is and seek it out.

Truth #3: Although some do not respect you or treat you the way you deserve, there are many who love you, see value in you as a human being, and want to be there for you. I personally want to be there for you, being someone that you can trust and confide in. I want to be your listening ear, to hear you through the hard things, to help you through them. I want to and do support you.

As to the topic of "God changing your sexuality", I think that many tend to go towards one of two extremes. They either say that He can and will change your sexuality, or they say that He won't and can't. Frankly, I believe we limit God when we make either of those claims. I don't have the experience to testify to the former, nor do I have experience to affirm the latter. I do know that my God can do anything. I know He's changed my heart and set me free from many things, including condemnation, depression, and self-hatred. I know that when I seek Him, my life begins to change. Although He does not prevent me from going through any hardships, He does walk through them with me.

It saddens me that the LGBT community kill themselves (in many instances, literally) over the issue of changing their sexuality. I think that it is the wrong thing to be pursuing. As with anything we deal with, we should pursue God. Whatever we focus on, we give power to. If I focus on the thing I'm trying to change, whatever that may be, it's going to consume me and ultimately have power over me, in which case, it could potentially destroy me. If I focus instead on God, and seek Him with all my heart, He'll take care of the rest. The ways in which He changes me are to some extent outside of my control. All I can do is surrender and trust Him with all of it. Am I saying He will change your sexuality? I'm not affirming it or denying it. I am not God, so I am unable to answer that question. What I do know is that LGBTs deserve the love and respect as do any other human being. And that's nothing short of what I want to give.

Talk About Crazy.

I'm not going to lie to you. This semester, especially in this present moment, is becoming extremely overwhelming. Being behind in my schoolwork, missing home, feeling like I didn't adequately transition from summer into sophomore year... not sure I planned this out very well. Maybe I should've taken that last week of camp off and given myself time to be with family and relax before the madness of school began. Either way, I'm here now, barely past mid-semester and I've got to find some way to cope. I can either be down about it and rough through it or make the most of it and rough through it. Seems like the latter is the better choice cut out for me.

The more life I've been through, the more I feel like I've reached the end of my rope and arrived at a place where I cannot go any further without God. Here I am again, in that same moment. Needing God, needing rest, needing peace.

The enemy likes to take anything that's good and warp it into something twisted and wicked. Being future-minded can easily cause us to be less-than-present and miss out on the opportunities before us. Being an extrovert can easily lead us into getting so caught up in social life that one gets burnt out, or in my case, leave you feeling like you've got less of those "deep and meaningful friendships" that you'd hoped for. There's a shadow side to every "strength" (APU loves talking about the Strengths-Finder Test, as do I; ask anyone who goes here about the former), a snare that awaits us in each good thing if we're not careful. I'm not telling you this to make you paranoid; I'm telling you this to make you aware. There's no need to worry about it; just be knowledgable so you can avoid any traps or pitfalls that you may easily fall into.

There's a song by Tenth Avenue North titled "Don't Stop the Madness" that fits my life pretty well at the moment. Although it portrays a prayer that typically does not get prayed, it's one that I'm striving to live by, one that gives me hope that God will use the madness and the chaos in my life for something good. The lyrics read:

There’s a beggar down inside of me
Standing on the corner of your street
And my shame is my only company
Could use some cash but can’t admit my need
For what You got and what I could receive
I need Your love to come and break the silence

Don’t stop the madness
Don’t stop the chaos
Don’t stop the pain surrounding me
Don’t be afraid, Lord, to break my heart
Just bring me down to my knees, yeah

But all I hear is what they’re selling meThat God is love, He isn’t suffering
And what you need’s a little faith in prosperity
But oh, my God, I know there’s more than this
If You promise pain, it can’t be meaningless
So make me poor if that’s the price for freedom

Don’t stop the madnessDon’t stop the chaos
Don’t stop the pain surrounding me
Don’t be afraid, Lord, to break my heart
If it bring me down to my knees, yeah

In a marriage lostAnd the cry in the dark
Don’t stop with Your love
In a mother’s tear
For the child who starves
Don’t stop with Your love
When we’re breaking down
We’re falling apart
Don’t stop with Your love
And with new eyes to see
This is Your mercy
Don’t stop with Your love

Don’t stop the madnessDon’t stop the chaos
Don’t stop the pain inside of me
Do whatever it takes to give me Your heart
And bring me down to my knees, Lord
Don’t stop, don’t stop
Just bring me down to my knees, Lord

And that's the prayer I want to pray on a daily basis. Don't stop the madness, Lord. Bring me to my knees, for in light of You... I can do all things and live life abundantly.

Like A Dream

I sit here and I'm stressed. Stressed because I'm behind in several of my classes. My job training consumed most of my last three weekends, having me work eight hours a day. Now, with job training finally over (which is truly a relief), it's all catching up with me. Everything I haven't done in the last couple of weeks has thrown itself at me, all at once.

And then I stop. I sit and I listen. The sun is shining, a slight breeze blows around me, and nature is taking its course. Nature isn't worried. The bees aren't worried. So why do I worry? Shoot, I guess it's a part of being human (see Matthew 6:25-34).

For whatever reason, especially since the beginning of this school year, I've found myself to be in a constant state of awareness, especially in regards to APU: the fact that I'm attending a university with incredible professors, a community that's unlike any other, and the opportunities that exist here. Even now, a quarter of the way through my sophomore year in college, it still seems unreal. I keep expecting to wake up and realize that this is all a dream. Maybe part of it is because I'm 1,000 miles away from home. Maybe part of it is because it's so mutually exclusive from my life back home. All I know is... it feels like a dream. Because it seems like a dream, because it seems unreal, I make sure not to take it for granted. Any moment I find myself in, whether hanging out in the living room with my roommates or listening to a lecture, I take a step back and look at what's going on. Realizing how blessed I am is a part of that process.

When I leave APU I want to feel like I've left a legacy. Leaving a legacy is something that gets talked about often, but I wonder how many people actually take that challenge seriously. It's so easy to get caught up in all the things going on around us that we forget about the bigger picture, the grander scheme of things. Life is more than school. Life is more than mid-terms and homework and lectures. Life is more than social life and school dances. Our purpose and the things we're called to in the grander scheme of life should not be forgotten. We're called to make a difference. To change the world. The challenge the world. To stand up for the broken, the beaten, the forgotten. Whether we do this through teaching six-year-olds in a classroom, janitorial work, or starting a non-profit organization, all that matters is that we're pursuing our calling.

So what's your calling? In the grander scheme of life, what's your purpose? What are you going to pursue? Does it benefit you or does it benefit others?

Questions like these are not bad questions to ask yourself on a daily basis.

And so we face this thing called life, sometimes feeling like reality and other times seeming like a dream. I think it's safe to say that wherever we are in life, whatever we go through, that God has dreams for us and He wants us to be a part of creating His story. If He didn't we wouldn't be here.

God has good things in store for you. He makes all things work together for the good of those who love Him.

And that's the truth.

Purpose

I sit here and wonder, "Is this where I'm supposed to be? If not here... where else would I go?" And I'm not sure if it's a bad thing that I think that way sometimes. It's almost as if the only thing keeping me where I am is the fact that I have no clue where else I'd go. Is this good? Bad? I'm not entirely sure.

It's at times like this that I have to trust God with where He has me. As hard as it is to be present, to be where I'm at, I figure He has me here for a reason. He has a plan for me. The hardest yet most beautiful aspect of that is the fact that I have only the smallest of glimpses of His plan.

I think it's safe to say that if you're not being challenged where you're at, that may not be where God wants you. After all, taking up our crosses and dying unto ourselves is not easy. Life was never meant to be easy. The struggle is a crucial part of what it means to be human. The most beautiful things come out of some sort of struggle. A statue has to be chiseled. A pearl begins with an irritation. A baby comes out of the pain of childbirth.

Pain. It's necessary.

Somewhere in that pain is God. Not that He causes it but rather He brings beauty out of it.

"For we know that God makes all things for the good of those who love Him, for those who are called according to His purpose." [Romans 8:28]

Image

I stand in front of the mirror and look at myself. The longer I look, the more I notice the flaws. The more I notice the flaws, the more I dislike myself. The more I dislike myself, the less I see myself as God sees me. The less I see myself as God sees me, the less I see myself as God wants me to see me. Who is this 'me'? When I get so caught up in myself, caught in my self-obsession, I'm not so sure anymore.

Self-image can be a killer. Poor self-image is destroying our nation, both men and women, boys and girls alike. It's sad that the media portrays people the way that it does, implicitly telling you that if you don't look like those it portrays, you're not good enough. Not worthy enough.

Growing up, I felt like I couldn't talk about the issue of self-image because it was "only a girl subject". Over the last few years I've come to realize something, and it's the inaccuracy of that statement. Image is not just a "girl issue". It's a man's issue as well.

From a man's perspective, the media tells you that you have to be lean, muscular, hairless. I can only guess what a woman's perspective might be, aside from what I've been told by women themselves. In short, the media portrays them as excessively skinny, giving them a false idea of what beauty looks like. It's this portrayal that's really hurting people. The messages that the media and pop culture convey have negatively impacted me and I know they've done the same to others.

In my "Intro to Art" class last week, my professor talked to us about the difference between something being "pretty" and "beauty". In the context of art, Thomas Kinkade paints pretty paintings. However, there are plenty of paintings that are displeasing to the eye that also emanate a tremendous amount of beauty. Beauty is something much deeper than what meets the eye. Beauty is found in the creation.

Psalm 139:13 tells us that God has knit us together in our mother's womb. I think it's safe to say that this fact alone implies priceless beauty in each and every human being. In regards to how I started this blog, noticing your shortcomings and areas in which you need improvement can be a very positive thing. There comes a point, however, when it becomes idolatry. You become so obsessed with you that you find yourself in the way of you and God. At that point, it might be a good idea to step back from the mirror. Take a break. Spend some time pursuing your identity, your imago dei, your being made in the image of God. Find out who you really are. Then maybe after this journey you'll be able to return to that mirror, seeing yourself not in the context of idolatry or self-obsession but in your true beauty as a child of God.

A Whirlwind of Change

Woah. Four weeks ago I blinked. And now... a month has gone by. Thrust from the position of cabin counselor at a camp at which I'd finally begun feeling comfortable and back into the world of college life. As I mentioned before, working at the camp that I did this summer literally changed me. Built up my faith. Strengthened me. Opened my eyes to the beauty of a human being. And much, much more.

The same day my camp job ended I left for California and spent a few days at my aunt and uncle's in Northern Cali. Got to meet my (relatively new) baby cousin. Absolutely adore her.

About mid-August I flew the rest of the way down to Southern California. Back to college. This time, however, I returned a few weeks early for Alpha (Orientation) Leader training. Little did I know how much it would impact my life. The first week of training involved a lot of miscellaneous stuff, including bonding and teamwork activities. As an Alpha Leader we are all put into groups known as AC groups. An AC, or Alpha Coordinator, is a sort of "Alpha Leader" for the Alpha Leader. The eleven of us in my AC group have grown to be considerably close. It'd be an understatement to say we're a family now.

The second week of training involved a week-long mission trip to the Bay. Unfortunately for the sake of secrecy and the impact of the program, I'm not allowed to say too much about it on here. It definitely had an impact on me though. To say it was life-changing barely does it justice. God revealed to me a lot of truths about myself. Some of those truths in particular, relating to my identity, finally reached my heart from my brain. To get something in your brain is one thing. To get it in your heart is something entirely different. For when you realize truth in your heart, you're literally changed from the inside out. It changes the way you view yourself, others, and the world around you. Needless to say I'm a different man now. If only I could fully convey the entirety of what God's done in my heart. It's absolutely incredible.

The third week of training focused on the logistical side of things. Unfortunately I missed a significant amount of it as I am also in the Men's Chorale here at my school for the second year in a row. With choir camp also happening that week, I had to bounce back and forth between choir and Alpha training. It was rough, but I made it through. Classes start tomorrow and I'm excited to be able to fully invest in choir as I wasn't really able to before.

Orientation was this past weekend and just concluded with day five. If only I could explain how exhausted I am. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually... I don't have much left. If given the choice though, I'd do it all again in a heartbeat. With today being day five, the busiest part of the Alpha program is over. The rest of the semester involves weekly Alpha group meetings, AC group meetings, and a weekly leadership class that the freshmen are required to take called Beginnings. I cannot explain how much I enjoy being with my Alpha group. Considering the fact that we've only been together for about five days, I have really good vibes about the semester to come. Needless to say they're a pretty solid group. We're Alpha Group 48--don't hate! (That's our group motto that I put on our sign; after all, I had to rhyme somehow!)

I am beyond excited for the semester to come. Excited for the Class of 2016. They've got so many good things coming for them; if only they knew. Though maybe it's a good thing they don't. It'll be that much greater when it happens.


I also forgot to mention that I got accepted to study abroad in South Africa next spring. After much paperwork, shots, and prayer, I'll be departing in January 2013 for a three-month period. Can't wait for that either!

God continues to prove His faithfulness to me. He provided me with a bike for a triathlon class I'm taking this fall, one week before the class was supposed to start. Talk about a close call--yet God still came through!

He is so good. BOOYAH!

Time For Change

This has been an incredible summer. Six months ago I could not have fathomed the ways in which I would grow, the friendships I would make, the challenges that would befall me. I sit here and can't help but be extremely grateful for this summer. It's because of this summer and an excessive amount of epiphanies that I decided to start a new blog. Rather than limiting my blog to a certain topic, I've decided to write whatever I feel is necessary. Plus, who doesn't like no boundaries in a case like this? I always hated it in school when you had writings prompts on a preset topic. Definitely a struggle.

At the beginning of this year I began to ponder what I wanted to do with my summer. Unfortunately (or maybe, fortunately) I was in a place financially where I knew I had to work. If not, sophomore year at my university would have been out of the question. With that in mind, I'd decided that I wanted to either do an internship at a church or work at a summer camp. I did not want to go home. However, as the months went on and through much prayer and consideration, my heart slowly changed. I found myself wanting to go home, for whatever reason--I just knew I had to. I turned down the internship I'd been looking into, and I'd also been rejected by almost every camp I'd applied to. In fact, the day I came home, May 16, I still didn't know what I was going to be doing this summer. And then I got an email. An email that I believe (though I did not know it at the time) changed my life. I'd been accepted as a cabin counselor at a YMCA camp near Portland, OR, close to home. Talk about a perfect fit!

Words cannot express the anxiety I had the day I went to staff training. June 24. Headed to a place I had never been to and never seen, where there would be plenty of people I did not know. In fact, I wouldn't know anyone. I must say, however, there was a slight part of me that liked the idea of adventure. I do consider myself an adventurer at heart, so my venture into the unknown was somewhat exciting.

To my surprise, one of the first people I met was none other than a guy named Curtis, someone I had gone to middle school with and hadn't seen in over five years. Talk about crazy! The world truly is small, as the saying goes. Never ceases to surprise me when things like that happen. After an intense and somewhat exhausting week of staff training, thus began my six-week trek as a cabin counselor for 5th and 6th graders. Even more anxiety consumed me as I began my first week. Fortunately, as the weeks have gone on, I have figured out more and more of what it means to be a cabin counselor. Whether it meant finding that balance between friend and authority figure or realizing God had had a hand in every detail of my life, epiphany after epiphany hit me over the head:

I want to be more of an adventurer. A staff member from Indiana reminded me that I have gotten too comfortable with the familiar. She came to camp not knowing anything or anyone: not even the area! I'd been fortunate enough to at least be familiar with that! Her boldness and courage to face the unknown encouraged me to do the same. It was also through our friendship and conversations that I'd realized I don't have to be afraid of being alone; after all, I am never alone. God is always there. This is something I have taken great refuge in.

Everything, and I mean everything, is worth appreciating. Whether it's the Australian friend that made me realize the true value and beauty of a human being or the lack of homemade meals, showers, and a bed that made me miss everything and everyone that had been in my life before I came to camp, everything is worth appreciating. Everyone has so much value in who they are, where they live, what they enjoy... there's so much to know about someone! There's a beauty in everyone that I have only recently become aware of. I wish I'd become aware of it sooner. Fortunately I have been extremely appreciative of those close to me, especially since the death of my father in February 2009. The death of someone close makes you learn that lesson quickly.

These are just a couple of the many things I've realized this summer. If I were to detail each and every one, you'd be here for days reading this blog. Needless to say I'm amazed at how much this summer has meant to me. I return to California in three days. I return to my university in six. With an insanely busy yet exciting year ahead of me, I think I'm ready. Actually... I know I'm ready. God's brought me through this season for a reason. With Him, I have everything I need. Let's do this.