The week before last was completely insane. I crammed all my research for a major paper into one day, attempted to visit a non-profit for a project only to get a flat tire on the way, helped present for Common Day of Learning on adjusting to your home culture after having a cross-cultural experience, dealt with the craziness of "Decision Day" and began to figure everything out that getting R.A. would have taken care of, and had tons of other homework. Needless to say it was a lot.
At church on Sunday my pastor made a point during his sermon, that it wasn't about success or failure, but being obedient and faithful to God.
In chapel the next day the speaker shared her story of how she came to L.A. to pursue a career in the film industry, ending with the point that it wasn't about success or failure, but being obedient and faithful to God.
At the commissioning service for Mexico on Tuesday night the speaker shared a few things, ending on the note that it wasn't about success or failure, but being obedient and faithful to God. Okay, God, I get it. Clearly You're trying to tell me something. But I as strived to figure out how it tied in with my present circumstances, I failed to do so. It just didn't click... yet.
In my leadership class on Wednesday evening we began with a devotional from My Utmost for His Highest, as we usually did. Although in different words, the premise of it was that it wasn't about success or failure, but being obedient and faithful to God. I laughed when I heard it.
By the end of the week I was exhausted. I was beyond over school and ready to get away from the busyness and chaos of college life. I anticipated my week in Mexico being the thing I needed most, with me coming back refreshed and recharged. I didn't want to have too many expectations, however, as I know things don't always go as we plan or want them to be. So I threw off all expectations as I went into the trip.
I was one of the drivers for my team, which I thoroughly enjoyed as I don't get to drive when I'm at school and I love driving. Of course the most difficult part was finding the balance between following speed limits and staying with your caravan; the two didn't always coincide. I had the same issues driving home. I don't think I've ever prayed so much before, but sure enough, God protected us. No tickets or accidents. Hallelujah! ;)
Our first full day in Mexico, Sunday, was spent making a Walmart run and hanging out at base camp most of the day. There was plenty team bonding, which was much needed. Although it was difficult at first, being in Mexico and "not doing anything," I was grateful for it. Always good connecting with those you're serving with before you go out and do ministry.
Monday through Thursday were spent at the orphanage, Agua de Vida. Definitely one of the coolest ministries I've ever been able to witness. There are somewhere between 25 and 30 kids who live there, ranging from the age of infant to 17. Although most of them come from difficult pasts and rough circumstances, they take care of each other. They defend each other at school and help out around the orphanage. I have no doubt that being raised in a Godly environment helps this. Mario and Veronica Santos, the couple who started the orphanage, have incredible hearts. They've been obedient to God's calling on their lives and give it their all. Mario is American and Veronica is Mexican; they married 25 years ago, spent their first 15 years of marriage in Southern California, then took their three kids and moved to Mexico to start the orphanage. It's now been 10 years. I can't tell you the number of stories they have about God's miraculous provision. Incredible stories.
At the beginning of the week I felt distracted, not present. Monday night we spent some time in prayer and saw every thing we had prayed for come to fruition not just the next day but all week. The weather cooled off. We had strength and energy like we hadn't had before. We were filled with incredible joy. It was so much and so good. We spent most of our time at the orphanage hanging out with the kids. It wasn't us going in and implementing our own plans but rather being present and witnessing the things already going on. Although it could have been difficult we quickly became okay with that. It was such a blessing. At the end of the week, however, we did throw a birthday party for a sweet girl named Sarai. She was turning 10. We had a piñata, played games, and ended the day with cake and "Happy Birthday." It was cool seeing the kids open up as the week went on. Their unique personalities began to show, all the more amazing seen in light of the hardships they had been through.
It wasn't until I was home Friday night, talking to my grandma, that it finally clicked. Everything God had been speaking to me the week before finally made sense. Initially, and even throughout the week, I felt frustrated because I felt like I relationally "failed" with the kids. I didn't get close with any of them and because of it it wasn't too difficult saying goodbye. I felt like it should have been and that frustrated me. "It's not about success or failure, but being obedient and faithful to God." Failure, however we define it, doesn't matter. The point is that we made ourselves available, were willing, and present. I was able to end my time in Mexico feeling joyful and full of peace because it's not about me and my own "successes." It's never been about either of those; it's about God and doing what we're called to do.
The expectations I had thrown off about getting close with my team were also blown out of the water. I left every expectation behind yet was blessed with a team that was fun to be with, authentic and transparent, and strives to live like Christ. We hung out the night we got back and are planning to do so this coming weekend as well. Even if we didn't though and the only time we were together was in Mexico, that would've been enough. Again, it's not about success or failure, in whatever sense, but being obedient and faithful.
When that is enough you are truly free.
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Check out a video highlighting my time in Mexico:
Vimeo: http://vimeo.com/89218344
YouTube: http://youtu.be/ciOBFCKOrrg
Sunday, March 16, 2014
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Peace Like A River.
It's Thursday evening and I'm relaxing at home as it is finally the beginning of spring break. All I've felt today is an incredible sense of peace, a peace that surpasses all understanding. Sometimes I wonder what that actually means, "surpassing all understanding." The ironic thing is when we try to explain it; after all, it does surpass all understanding. However, in my current situation I find it to surpass understanding because it did not come from me. It came through prayer, reflection, and receiving the wisdom of others. You're probably wondering what I'm talking about and for that reason I'll back up a bit.
Last weekend was crazy as I didn't have much time for homework; I had a variety of commitments that made the weekend busy. On Saturday morning I went to a men's breakfast at my church and then spent that evening and night volunteering for a non-profit at a concert. Sunday was busy with church in the morning and a Men's Chorale concert that had me gone for most of the day. And then the week began.
I'm currently taking my writing intensive requirement, which requires a research paper that we work on in pieces throughout the semester. All my research was due by midnight on Tuesday so I spent some of Monday evening (the only time I had to work on it that day) and all of Tuesday (literally... all of it) working on it. I submitted the assignment at 11:57 p.m. and breathed a sigh of relief as I felt like I had just run a mental marathon.
Yesterday was crazy for numerous reasons. Another Men's Chorale performance required a good portion of the day, followed by class, followed by the first grief support event held on campus that I had the privilege of being on the panel for. And then there was the fact that it was "Decision Day." For those of you that do not know what that is, essentially it is a day when all decisions are announced regarding most of the leadership positions on campus. It's a great and awful day all at the same time; great because many rejoice over getting positions that they applied and interviewed for, but difficult because many others are let down that they did not get the position they applied for. I will admit that not getting a position you applied for can be difficult; I myself have been denied numerous positions on campus, most of which would have taken place this year. The first significant instance happened my sophomore year and I must admit that at first I didn't take it very well. If you aren't careful it's easy to let a position define your worth or status and not getting that position left me feeling like I was inadequate in some way. Of course that is not true and I have come far since then.
This year I applied and interviewed to be a Resident Advisor, which I did not get. What made it difficult was not so much not getting the position (though I was disappointed I didn't get it) but rather the implications of what it meant for the future: all of a sudden I had myriad things to figure out, including my living situation, classes, and other school involvement for next year. Being future minded can be beneficial in many ways, but when you are someone like me who can let that affect being present and in the moment it tends not to be a good thing.
I called a couple of my closest family members and talked with my roommates to get their input on things. I only did this because there were a couple of decisions I had to make regarding one position I was given the option to be an alternate for and another I was offered but had to decide whether or not to accept it, both by Friday. By the end of last night I more or less came to a conclusion of what decisions I needed to make and decided that sleeping on it would be best, especially considering by the time those conversations had happened it was almost midnight and I had barely started on my homework.
I woke up this morning having gotten about six hours of sleep, six hours being my nightly average for the past week or so. Of course this general lack of sleep was concerning as it makes you more prone to sickness, among other things. It also concerned me because I am going to Mexico on Saturday for a week-long mission trip and I would not want to go into the trip sick and/or tired.
I woke up today feeling an incredible sense of peace. Despite the grogginess and hours I had to spend on homework this morning it permeated my thoughts and my entire sense of being. By the time my day ended, which was around 5 p.m., I reflected on my day and thought, "It's been a really good day." Reflecting on what happened today it did not make much sense; I was sleep-deprived, had classes all day, and nothing out of the ordinary happened. When I realized this it made that peace all the more significant as I knew it had not come from me. All I could think of was how it must have been that peace from God that surpasses all understanding, the peace we are promised if we are not anxious about anything and give all our requests to God through prayer and thanksgiving. God followed through on that promise and it has given me much strength and joy.
As I go to Mexico this weekend I trust that God has prepared me for such a time as this. I trust that God has a plan, God is in control, and it is my hope that I will stay open to God's leading and the things God wants to do while 300 others and I are down there. In the least I can say that I am beyond excited for the trip; I anticipate that being detached for a while from technology, homework, life on this side of the border, and anything else familiar will be refreshing and exciting. Other than that I do not have any expectations, but even then I probably should not have the expectation that I will come back refreshed. For all I know the week may be challenging and draining. Regardless of how things go, what I am sure of is that the peace of God is going before us, with us, and after us. It is that peace that I pray we all come to know, not just on a mission trip or during times of trial but each and every day of our lives as we strive to live for a purpose that goes far beyond ourselves.
Last weekend was crazy as I didn't have much time for homework; I had a variety of commitments that made the weekend busy. On Saturday morning I went to a men's breakfast at my church and then spent that evening and night volunteering for a non-profit at a concert. Sunday was busy with church in the morning and a Men's Chorale concert that had me gone for most of the day. And then the week began.
I'm currently taking my writing intensive requirement, which requires a research paper that we work on in pieces throughout the semester. All my research was due by midnight on Tuesday so I spent some of Monday evening (the only time I had to work on it that day) and all of Tuesday (literally... all of it) working on it. I submitted the assignment at 11:57 p.m. and breathed a sigh of relief as I felt like I had just run a mental marathon.
Yesterday was crazy for numerous reasons. Another Men's Chorale performance required a good portion of the day, followed by class, followed by the first grief support event held on campus that I had the privilege of being on the panel for. And then there was the fact that it was "Decision Day." For those of you that do not know what that is, essentially it is a day when all decisions are announced regarding most of the leadership positions on campus. It's a great and awful day all at the same time; great because many rejoice over getting positions that they applied and interviewed for, but difficult because many others are let down that they did not get the position they applied for. I will admit that not getting a position you applied for can be difficult; I myself have been denied numerous positions on campus, most of which would have taken place this year. The first significant instance happened my sophomore year and I must admit that at first I didn't take it very well. If you aren't careful it's easy to let a position define your worth or status and not getting that position left me feeling like I was inadequate in some way. Of course that is not true and I have come far since then.
This year I applied and interviewed to be a Resident Advisor, which I did not get. What made it difficult was not so much not getting the position (though I was disappointed I didn't get it) but rather the implications of what it meant for the future: all of a sudden I had myriad things to figure out, including my living situation, classes, and other school involvement for next year. Being future minded can be beneficial in many ways, but when you are someone like me who can let that affect being present and in the moment it tends not to be a good thing.
I called a couple of my closest family members and talked with my roommates to get their input on things. I only did this because there were a couple of decisions I had to make regarding one position I was given the option to be an alternate for and another I was offered but had to decide whether or not to accept it, both by Friday. By the end of last night I more or less came to a conclusion of what decisions I needed to make and decided that sleeping on it would be best, especially considering by the time those conversations had happened it was almost midnight and I had barely started on my homework.
I woke up this morning having gotten about six hours of sleep, six hours being my nightly average for the past week or so. Of course this general lack of sleep was concerning as it makes you more prone to sickness, among other things. It also concerned me because I am going to Mexico on Saturday for a week-long mission trip and I would not want to go into the trip sick and/or tired.
I woke up today feeling an incredible sense of peace. Despite the grogginess and hours I had to spend on homework this morning it permeated my thoughts and my entire sense of being. By the time my day ended, which was around 5 p.m., I reflected on my day and thought, "It's been a really good day." Reflecting on what happened today it did not make much sense; I was sleep-deprived, had classes all day, and nothing out of the ordinary happened. When I realized this it made that peace all the more significant as I knew it had not come from me. All I could think of was how it must have been that peace from God that surpasses all understanding, the peace we are promised if we are not anxious about anything and give all our requests to God through prayer and thanksgiving. God followed through on that promise and it has given me much strength and joy.
As I go to Mexico this weekend I trust that God has prepared me for such a time as this. I trust that God has a plan, God is in control, and it is my hope that I will stay open to God's leading and the things God wants to do while 300 others and I are down there. In the least I can say that I am beyond excited for the trip; I anticipate that being detached for a while from technology, homework, life on this side of the border, and anything else familiar will be refreshing and exciting. Other than that I do not have any expectations, but even then I probably should not have the expectation that I will come back refreshed. For all I know the week may be challenging and draining. Regardless of how things go, what I am sure of is that the peace of God is going before us, with us, and after us. It is that peace that I pray we all come to know, not just on a mission trip or during times of trial but each and every day of our lives as we strive to live for a purpose that goes far beyond ourselves.
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