It's Thursday evening and I'm relaxing at home as it is finally the beginning of spring break. All I've felt today is an incredible sense of peace, a peace that surpasses all understanding. Sometimes I wonder what that actually means, "surpassing all understanding." The ironic thing is when we try to explain it; after all, it does surpass all understanding. However, in my current situation I find it to surpass understanding because it did not come from me. It came through prayer, reflection, and receiving the wisdom of others. You're probably wondering what I'm talking about and for that reason I'll back up a bit.
Last weekend was crazy as I didn't have much time for homework; I had a variety of commitments that made the weekend busy. On Saturday morning I went to a men's breakfast at my church and then spent that evening and night volunteering for a non-profit at a concert. Sunday was busy with church in the morning and a Men's Chorale concert that had me gone for most of the day. And then the week began.
I'm currently taking my writing intensive requirement, which requires a research paper that we work on in pieces throughout the semester. All my research was due by midnight on Tuesday so I spent some of Monday evening (the only time I had to work on it that day) and all of Tuesday (literally... all of it) working on it. I submitted the assignment at 11:57 p.m. and breathed a sigh of relief as I felt like I had just run a mental marathon.
Yesterday was crazy for numerous reasons. Another Men's Chorale performance required a good portion of the day, followed by class, followed by the first grief support event held on campus that I had the privilege of being on the panel for. And then there was the fact that it was "Decision Day." For those of you that do not know what that is, essentially it is a day when all decisions are announced regarding most of the leadership positions on campus. It's a great and awful day all at the same time; great because many rejoice over getting positions that they applied and interviewed for, but difficult because many others are let down that they did not get the position they applied for. I will admit that not getting a position you applied for can be difficult; I myself have been denied numerous positions on campus, most of which would have taken place this year. The first significant instance happened my sophomore year and I must admit that at first I didn't take it very well. If you aren't careful it's easy to let a position define your worth or status and not getting that position left me feeling like I was inadequate in some way. Of course that is not true and I have come far since then.
This year I applied and interviewed to be a Resident Advisor, which I did not get. What made it difficult was not so much not getting the position (though I was disappointed I didn't get it) but rather the implications of what it meant for the future: all of a sudden I had myriad things to figure out, including my living situation, classes, and other school involvement for next year. Being future minded can be beneficial in many ways, but when you are someone like me who can let that affect being present and in the moment it tends not to be a good thing.
I called a couple of my closest family members and talked with my roommates to get their input on things. I only did this because there were a couple of decisions I had to make regarding one position I was given the option to be an alternate for and another I was offered but had to decide whether or not to accept it, both by Friday. By the end of last night I more or less came to a conclusion of what decisions I needed to make and decided that sleeping on it would be best, especially considering by the time those conversations had happened it was almost midnight and I had barely started on my homework.
I woke up this morning having gotten about six hours of sleep, six hours being my nightly average for the past week or so. Of course this general lack of sleep was concerning as it makes you more prone to sickness, among other things. It also concerned me because I am going to Mexico on Saturday for a week-long mission trip and I would not want to go into the trip sick and/or tired.
I woke up today feeling an incredible sense of peace. Despite the grogginess and hours I had to spend on homework this morning it permeated my thoughts and my entire sense of being. By the time my day ended, which was around 5 p.m., I reflected on my day and thought, "It's been a really good day." Reflecting on what happened today it did not make much sense; I was sleep-deprived, had classes all day, and nothing out of the ordinary happened. When I realized this it made that peace all the more significant as I knew it had not come from me. All I could think of was how it must have been that peace from God that surpasses all understanding, the peace we are promised if we are not anxious about anything and give all our requests to God through prayer and thanksgiving. God followed through on that promise and it has given me much strength and joy.
As I go to Mexico this weekend I trust that God has prepared me for such a time as this. I trust that God has a plan, God is in control, and it is my hope that I will stay open to God's leading and the things God wants to do while 300 others and I are down there. In the least I can say that I am beyond excited for the trip; I anticipate that being detached for a while from technology, homework, life on this side of the border, and anything else familiar will be refreshing and exciting. Other than that I do not have any expectations, but even then I probably should not have the expectation that I will come back refreshed. For all I know the week may be challenging and draining. Regardless of how things go, what I am sure of is that the peace of God is going before us, with us, and after us. It is that peace that I pray we all come to know, not just on a mission trip or during times of trial but each and every day of our lives as we strive to live for a purpose that goes far beyond ourselves.
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