It's January 6, 2015. I'm sitting at a coffeeshop back home, wondering about the next few months, wondering if all of this is even real. It's the year I graduate college and it seems pretty surreal. I'm not sure what I expected it to feel like, but it certainly doesn't feel like what I thought it would. It's a mixture of, "Is this really happening?!", excitement, and anticipation, all tainted with a small dose of fear and anxiety. What does the future hold? What does life look like beyond school? How will I support myself? How will I pay off my loans? And all those other "real life" things we college students on the cusp of "real adulthood" wonder about.
It's interesting looking back on these past four years. They have been filled with so much joy, adventure, new friends, and new things learned as well as much hardship, struggle, and maybe even some things I wish I could take back. Maybe it was something I said, something I did, something that doesn't really matter at all but something I worry too much about regardless. Years ago I made a commitment not to live by regrets; after all, there's nothing you can do about the past. However, it's easier said than done when you're reminded of your past and how broken you are. It's humbling, but it can also be condemning. It's the latter I've had to continually fight against, reminding myself that we all make mistakes, none of us are perfect, and as the saying goes, "smooth seas never make good sailors." I think I'll pocket that one.
It's a new year, a new semester, and change is upon us, the class of 2015. All we've ever known is school, a life measured by semesters and breaks. We're not entirely sure what's on "the other side," but whatever it is, we have to believe that it's good. We don't want to settle. Not for a life of complacency, a life of merely getting by, or a life of living by regrets. They say that life is what you make it, and as cliché as it is, it's a profound truth. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about living life to the fullest and finding and doing the very thing where your greatest passions and the world's greatest needs collide. However, sometimes life deals us a crappy hand. It might be unemployment, it might be the end of a relationship, it might be the loss of someone we love. Sometimes we're stuck in a rock and a hard place. Isn't that the illusion, though? That we're stuck? Sure, we may be stuck in a situation--we can't leave town, we have families or other responsibilities to take care of, we don't have enough money to do some thing or go on some trip like we've always wanted. It's our minds and our hearts, however, that don't have to be stuck. Life is what we make it.
I'm preaching to myself more than anyone. For so long I've felt stuck in the "doldrums" of being an upperclassmen, where I was over school one too many semesters ago and life has become a little too routine, a little too normal. Regardless of how I feel, feeling like I'm stuck, I won't give up. I will fight for adventure, fight for joy, fight for everything that's good in life and everything God intended it to be. That means striving to love everyone I come into contact with, to live a life of generosity and service, and to make life a lot less about me and a lot more about others. Everything I do I want to do for God and for others. [Yes, that does mean taking care of yourself, too! You can't take care of others if you're not taking care of yourself...]
A little over a month ago I found out I got accepted to a mission program at my school. Essentially, you commit to serving abroad for a minimum of two years and they cover your loan payments during that time. You still need to fundraise for the mission trip part, but your loans are covered while you're gone, which is huge. Emphasis on HUGE. I don't know where I'm going yet, but I'll be figuring it out over the next few weeks. We'll see where God takes me, clearly beyond anything I could've ever dreamed or imagined. He has been incredibly faithful over the 21+ years of life I've lived. He's been faithful during my four years in college and He will continue to be faithful. God is always faithful and I hope you know that. I mean, really know that.
Well, here goes one more round, one more semester. Here's to the joys, the adventures, the friends to be made (and the ones still there!), the things to be learned, and the struggles and hardships to come too.
No comments:
Post a Comment